I guess it was about time that I started having serious second thoughts about this moving business. I just wouldn't be me unless I had a good knock-down, drag-out round of second-guessing right before I follow through on a big decision. So, for the benefit of all the little voices in my head (you know who you are), "Oh my God, what the hell am I doing?" (Hopefully that'll keep the little buggers satisfied a while.) In the meantime, I will maintain my split personality, with one side of my brain in panic, and the other in blissful denial. As long as the see-saw stays level, that's the main thing.

I am really getting to the point where the emotions are welling up about this whole thing. I want to document everything that happens, which of course interferes with it actually happening. I find myself sighing a lot, and trying to remember that while there is loss involved in a move of this magnitude, there were good reasons for the decision, and a lot of great potential adventures to look forward to.

But it's hard, as a creature of habit, to deal with the change up front. For smaller decisions, it's easier to pretend that things won't really change that much. This one's just too big to do that with, and so I'm going through these last weeks here very conscious of the ways friendships and family can change when the distance between them changes. And I worry, because I'm very good at it, that moving so far from my friends will cause some kind of irreparable damage. But I suppose that's part of the reason I'm doing it in the first place: not as a test of my friends, but of myself and my own faith in the strength of relationship.