Why I'm here now: Trevor Romain – Now Is The Time (Reprise). I want to have this experience without regrets if at all possible, knowing that I enjoyed every minute I could with my mom, that I gave her as much care as I was able, and that I helped her to let go when it was time. It's a weird kind of limbo we're all sitting in at the moment; it has some semblance of normalcy, but the shadow is always there too, and it moves and is preparing on its own schedule, invisible to us.

I watch her sleeping and she seems a little smaller every day, but still full of spirit, and I know it will be a different feeling at whatever point the shadow moves in and the kind of communication we've always shared becomes impossible. That will be a new kind of grief, as will her passing, and the rest of my life afterward. Always a new wave coming in to ride—some will take me to shore and some will leave me swamped and breathless until I see light and swim for the surface. But there are lots of us bobbing around in the ocean; we journey together and pull each other out when strength falters, and that is a great comfort.